Make A Senior Smile

So first of all, let me apologize for not posting in March…things have been bananas around here!  But I wanted to take a minute to talk about a really wonderful organization Regency Grand has been proud to help support!  The Make a Senior Smile organization (http://makeaseniorsmile.org/) was founded by an amazing group of people specializing in various aspects of senior care.  The board members recognized a need in the senior population and did something about it! 

In brief, Make a Senior Smile, raises funds that are used to help improve the lives of seniors in-need or do something special for them.  Their mission statement says it perfectly:

“The mission of Make a Senior Smile, Inc., is to provide resources, life enrichment opportunities, and to generate smiles for seniors. We strive to celebrate the lives of seniors by helping to fulfill their life-long goals and missed opportunities due to sacrifices they made for others.”

Last October Make a Senior Smile focused on seniors in the West Covina area and Regency Grand was lucky enough to host their Smiles on the Vine wine gala and fundraiser.  Local businesses sponsored various appetizer stations that were accompanied by some excellent wine pairings.   It was a beautiful evening with a huge turnout.  A number of our residents even bought tickets and got all decked out for the night!

Just this past Sunday I was able to attend their annual Day at the Races event at the Santa Anita Race Track.  The weather was beautiful, the food was delicious and there were tons of amazing raffle and silent auction prizes.  Next year I will have to brush up on my horse knowledge so I can bet on some ponies!  Helping seniors is a cause that is near and dear to my heart.

 I strongly encourage everybody to check out their website.  You can read some pretty touching and amazing stories about the seniors they have helped, make a donation or find out about their next event (http://makeaseniorsmile.org/)!  For pictures from Smiles on the Vine or Day at the Races check out Regency Grand on Facebook at www.facebook.com/regencygrandwestcovina or follow us on Instagram, username REGENCYGRAND!

Tough Love

So it’s February.  There are pink roses and candy as far as the eye can see and even though Valentine’s Day is just one day, the love in the air seems to last all month.  I was originally going to do this month’s blog on something romance related, but I recently went to an event where they had an amazing guest speaker, so I decided to put a little spin on the love theme in order to pass on this information. 

As we all know, there are many different types of love: romantic, platonic, love for family and of course, tough love!  Often when helping the senior loved ones in your life you will have to deal with unpleasant topics related to their future and how they would like things handled in the event of an emergency, decline in physical or mental health and their eventual passing.  Of course nobody wants to contemplate their own mortality, especially at a stage in life where there is the very real possibility that one of these issues will come up sooner rather than later.

These can all be very sensitive topics to bring up, but it is also crucial to know your loved one’s wishes and have a plan in place when something happens.  This is where the tough love comes in.  There is no getting around it; these topics need to be discussed one way or another, to put everybody in the best position possible when something happens.  Earlier this month I met and heard a presentation given by Brenda Shorkend.  She is a Geriatric Care Manager and owns her own company, Shorkend Care Management.  This is what she does for a living.  She is able to have these conversations with seniors and help their families get the answers they need and make a plan.  During her presentation she gave some excellent tips and insight on how to start “that conversation” and keep it positive and productive, which I will pass on to you!

The Basics

·         Choose the right time & place (i.e.: not a large family gathering)

·         Choose the right people (who will they respond well too?)

·         Keep it short (you don’t want them to feel overwhelmed and shut down)

·         Listen with respect

·         Validate feelings & try to put yourself in their shoes

·         Go at their pace (give them time to process/react)

·         Don’t expect to figure everything out in one conversation

It is important to keep the lines of communication open.  If you are met with denial or resistance ask him/her to think things over and try again later.  If this continues you may want to ask another friend or family member to give it a shot.  Still not getting anywhere?  A trusted professional may be able to get through (i.e.: doctor, minister, accountant or care manager).

Brenda also advises that real life examples often work best as “ice breakers”.  You can start with something like “Remember when Aunt Mary ______?  What would you do if that ever happened?”  Or “How would we handle a situation like that?”  The news is also full of real life examples.  Ask your loved one for their advice.  Get them involved.  Ask them to research something for you.  If your example was Aunt Mary falling and breaking a hip, have him/her look into fall prevention to see what could be done to help them avoid the same thing.

In the meantime, there is plenty of information you should be gathering.  Brenda calls it a Peace of Mind Checklist:

Basic Information:                                                Emergency Contact Information:

-Name & Address                                                 -Family Members

-Phone Number                                                    -Friends

-Social Security Number                                       -Neighbors

-Driver’s License (number or copy)                      -Services (gardener, plumber, etc.)

-Car Model & License Plate                                  -Services (home care, senior services)             

-Allergies & Blood Type                                        -Physicians

-Current Medications                                           -Clergy

Crucial Contact Information:                                             Documents:

-Trustees                                                                             -Will

-Designated Person on Healthcare Directive                    -Advanced Healthcare Directive

-Designated Person on Power of Attourney (POA)          -POLST (DNR) if applicable

-POA or 2^nd Signature on Bank Accounts                         -Durable POA for Finances

-Attorney                                                                            -Medical & Medication History

-CPA                                                                                    -Insurance: life, car, homeowners

-Financial Planner                                                              -Insurance: medical and long term

                                                                                            -Financial Records

                                                                                            -Burial Plans

Passwords:                                                                         Spare Keys:

-Voicemail access number & code                                    -House, garage & mailbox

-Login: computer, email, online banking                          -Safe, safe deposit box, storage

Once everything is gathered, this information should then be given to several trusted people in the event of an emergency and kept in a safe place.  Seeing as how anything can happen at any time, this is also something you can do with your loved one and get your own information together!

Finding Closure

We are entering a brand new year, and you know what that means?!  We get a fresh start!  It’s a time of reflection, change and moving forward.  So much has happened for me, personally, that I have been taking these first few days of the New Year to decompress and really process everything that has happened, good and bad.  I always try to keep things positive and look for ways to improve myself for the year ahead and in order to do so I sometimes I need to find closure with things that happened the year prior.

                Working in an environment where we provide both physical and emotional care for people, we develop close-knit relationships with our residents.  It is a very unique work environment and one that I personally cherish.  We share in their love, laughter, joy and sorrow.  As we support our residents and their families through this phase of life, one thing that often goes overlooked in our line of work is the emotional toll that the loss of these relationships has on our staff.  In this line of work we expect that residents will leave us; they may pass away, move-on to a higher level of care, or relocate closer to family.

 After a resident has left us our staff carries on with their duties, while often coping with missing someone they greatly cared for.  It is a continuous cycle of love, loss and healing.  At the end of every year our community partners with a local hospice company and holds a reflection service for our staff to remember those residents who have left us and to process their emotions.  Following this service, starting at the end of January, we also hold a 6 week group therapy session, called Moving Through Grief.  This is open to our staff, residents, current and past family members. 

Dealing with grief and loss is not something we generally look forward to, but there is something very cleansing about working through your emotions and understanding them.  As Helen Keller once said “What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”